Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My feet surprised me
Randomize
