I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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