Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
