My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
