He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Randomize
