dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
