fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
