I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
