Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
