Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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