Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
