Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
