eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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