Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
