So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize