32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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