don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
