Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
