Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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