Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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