Nicole vs. Life
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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