Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
