I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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