I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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