And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
