and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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