They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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