I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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