All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
