the condom got lost in my hair
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Are we still banned from the library?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
