South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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