You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Randomize
