i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
