I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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