you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
