If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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