when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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