You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
