my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize