and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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