That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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