Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize