They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
