Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Enjoy the penises
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
