the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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