Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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