she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My ass is underappreciated
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize