I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
