I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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