If i come over, it means nothing
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
