stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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