: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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