The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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