u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize