do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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