my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
