Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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