i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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