Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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