Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
