Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If I die, sorry about rent.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
