is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
did i walk over a car last night?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
