i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
porn star boner night. come get it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
