your room smells of hookers.
And success
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
