Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
