dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
