DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
