I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize