I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
NoShamevember. You game?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
