Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
