You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize