party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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