the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
