If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
