that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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