Already got asked if we're dating
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize
