she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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