When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
