im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
